Campaign of Awesomeness

The charming young man I met (whom my friend left unconscious on the road)
at the tournament (AKA wallet-festival)

It is so rare when I get to meet people who understand the caliber, NO—SHEER DEPTH of my brilliance, and are able to to give it due notice. I guess that comes from living the entirety of my life in a forest surrounded by animals and a useless husband who tries every so often to invite me to “commune with the birds”, whatever that is. And then joining up with a group of emotionally deprived young—-companions. I guess. Except for Arj. He is just an incompetent ass who thinks it’s ok to shoot spells at people randomly. Well, someone is going to get poison ivy in their underclothes.

Anyway, back to my more considerate acquaintance, (Geneveeve) my opinion of him improved highly when I perused the contents of his wallet. 50 gold pieces for me, tralalalala! And some false identification papers that could come in handy. And he had such nice things to say about me. And Genneveeve even tolerated the group! Though if my granchildren looked like Eldon or Arj, I would arrange for them to be switched at birth.

Well, I guess I should keep a record of all the nice things Gieneveive said to me, just in case I need them someday.
1. “Halt! You are the most lovely thing that crossed my eyes today!”
2. “You look like a rich, sophisticated woman.”
3. “What charm, what wit! Can such cleverness be contained in one person?”
4. “No one deserves you!”
5. “You move with such elegance! Such grace!”
[list goes on for forty more lines]

Well anyways, Delwyn obviously seized the moment to turn half the party into Arj’s concubines when I brought Genaveev to him (wouldn’t expect anything less, honestly), Arj and Eldon embarrassed themselves, but Genevieve was perfectly wonderful the whole time.

I really can’t tell why Eldon chose to get rid of Genevive. It was unfortunate that he was a poser, but I was doing the same thing to him. I would have just preferred it more if he had additional gold in his wallet, as he had claimed. Though if I put my mind to it, there was something a little fishy about Genevaive. I mean, what self-respecting male would go under the pseudonym Ganevieve? I would rather be born with boils than be named something like that.

But in other news, I have discovered a new little trick. Unfortunately, Eldon has caught on, and being the moral policeman that he is, he chooses to whine about it at every possible moment. However my purse never complains, and that is really the only opinion that matters to me.

Though it would be nice to be complimented once in a while. It’s never “Oh Clara, you are so nimble-fingered and clever! Let me admire your wealth and glory!” Rather, it’s “Did you steal that man’s wallet?”
Please. When I die, just send me straight to hell without any of this reckoning nonsense.

I thrive as the underdog

As I sit in the healer’s tent, my heart will not stop racing. We left the city of Aranhama three days ago, We met with the Queen who thoroughly tricked us, She informed us that the Clouded eye was recruiting cloud giants and wanted us to go to a cloud giant stronghold to see if we could discover anything new. That night I dreamed of Odin again. He told me that I would need something more if I were to venture into cloud giant territory and he placed his hand on my head. He explained that once a day I now had the power to lay a powerful curse on enemies. It doesn’t last very long so I’ll have to make the most of it. He also blessed me with a ranged attack of pure magic and the ability to perform interesting magical tricks. I used those to great effect on my friends. They loved every second of it. Except Clara. She vanished as we left the city again. She’s probably in jail and we just don’t know yet.

In any case we traveled on the road together for a few days. I made symbols appear on the road and changed our food flavors. When we stopped Arj wanted to talk about magic since I can do that now. He can still do a lot more, I can’t shoot lightning or anything but what I can use has proven to be very effective. No tree branch is safe from me. When we arrived at festingvold we discovered that they were having a tournament. The giants apparently had one every year and this year a giant would even be competing in the melee. I ran to sign up and Arj and Eldon ended up joining me. After a night of drinking we went to the tournament. So far all I know is we fought at the same time. Lucky me I was fighting the giant. I suppose Odin must have seen this coming because the curse he gave me enabled me to defeat the giant. It sadly wasn’t to the death but I’m pretty sure the giant will die of embarrassment now so that’s good. I wonder how Eldon and Arj did. I’m sure they won they are both very skilled. I look forward to fighting them in the later rounds. Also they mentioned that the Giants would invite the winner to meet them in their clouded castle. If I win this will be an excellent opportunity to gather information. Which is good because I usually am very bad at that. I do few things poorly but that is one of them.

I need to think about this...
eldon is not ok

Today was…
For the past eight years of my life, I’ve spent all my time training with some of the best people I know to help the world. I’ve studied to try to find what’s right and worked hard towards it. I have never connected to any religion or god, but finding the Four Tenets was like seeing the sun peeking out from behind a cloud. It was like I could sense something beyond my physical limitations, something that transcended the mundane, yet somehow was a part of it. No matter how many times I return to them, I never fail to find new insights.
For years I have followed those who could help me learn more about this path. They have guided me and helped me become a better man than I would have thought myself capable of before I came. I have watched friends grow with me and have seen the good we have done. There haven’t been many absolutes in my life, but I knew I could always count on the Monastery and its teachings.
But now
Now I am unsure
We began exploring Arinhama today, and I noticed I was drawing more than a few ugly looks. Del wrote it off as High Elves being assholes, but I wasn’t sure. Finally, some kid threw a rotten fruit at my head and insulted monks. Not humans, bald people, or me specifically. Monks. Now I understand people not liking the less kind of the monasteries, and certainly some people feel uncomfortable getting help from strangers, but I’ve never been on the receiving end of such hatred from someone who wasn’t trying to kill me. From speaking with the kid and several others around town, I heard of a rumor that monks from the Monastery were fighting the Clouded Eye in a nearby village and burned it to the ground. Not the cultists. The monks.
Even after hearing it from so many, I still had doubts. I spent some extra money to get a magical message to the Monastery asking them about it. I was sure it was some misunderstanding, that the monks were just there to help and maybe things got out of hand. Or at least deny what happened.
They told me that there was more to the story, that they did what was necessary, and that I had to trust them. No denial. No explanation.
I’m lost. I’ve always trusted my teachers implicitly, but what if they’re wrong? How can they justify burning down a village? How does wanton destruction reduce the chaos in the world?! The Founder told me that acting with good intentions is not the same as acting with goodness, but what if I can’t tell the difference? I’ve been thinking back to my first time taking someone’s life. It’s never very far from my memory, but the young man who thought he knew what was best, despite the words of his teachers seems especially relevant now.
I don’t know. For now at least, the plan remains the same: Destroy the Clouded Eye. I want more information before I make any big decisions. I only hope I’m up to the task.

Oh, and I smeared the rotten pear on the little shit’s face. It seemed like the right thing to do.

That's one way to get Odin's attention

Odin spoke to me again. I wasn’t super religious when I was younger but lately I’ve been feeling more and more of a connection to the Allfather. Today I fought a Giant almost singlehandedly just like he did in days of old. When we arrived at Aranhama we saw a group of villagers and a cloud giant trussed up the guards. Something didn’t smell right so I began speaking to the Giant and villagers. They seemed pretty trustworthy so while I did that my friends decided to leave and go to an Inn. I’m still not sure why the guards let them go Arj must be pretty freaking persuasive.
I began talking to them again and I realized that something didn’t smell right. When I mentioned the clouded eye the villagers and the giant reacted weirdly. Then I had an inkling that they might be working with them! I asked them if they might say the lady walked among us and they said yes. That was good enough for me. Pausing only to ask the guards if they trusted me I lopped off one of their heads.
Once I did that the Giant quickly snapped his bonds and leaped to his feat. He and I began trading blows him with a bench and I with my halberd. I had the advantage of weapon but he was certainly stronger then me. I haven’t been hit that hard since Jagan. Apparently he’s a cautionary tale for giants these days. That makes sense because I’,m going to kill him when I find him too. The guards also helped me by shooting the Giant but I feel like I did the majority of hurting him. After a few intense rounds of combat my friends burst back onto the scene. They also attacked the Giant and a few of the Clerics who were trying to hurt me. I barely noticed them.
Delwyn inspired me though. The wolf is both my family’s symbol and one of the Allfathers sacred beasts. I felt stronger despite the blows I’d taken. I lunged at the Giant and I fucking gutted him. His blood poured onto my hands and I as I laughed with the joy of battle I gave thanks to the Allfather for his help. I burned the giants head as a sacrifice to the Allfather after taking his teeth as a trophy
That night he came to me in a dream and told me he had fought alongside me. I feel better knowing he’s watching out for me but I know I must retake Phog Tine’ soon. Great evil is growing there and I fear my friends and I are the only ones who can help.
O also Arj and Eldon were uppity with guards and got arrested. I was able to persuade them to let them go. Truly I am a man of many talents

Stormcloud is EVERYTHING
Like literally everything

What a fucking night.

Ok, let me backtrack. We left Arjhan’s dumb cold cave house and headed back down the mountain with prisoners and allies. I made the snow be less like snow. It was glorious.
Not quite as glorious, however, as reaching the bottom of the mountain and seeing GRASS AGAIN. (Oh, in between there we stopped at the other Dragonborn area – the one with ACTUAL houses – and spoke to some elders and stuff. Idk, I kind of tune out when the dragons are talking but I think we did a good thing.) So the grass, right. Amazing. Beautiful. Still cold as fuck, but sooo much better than snow. I grew a bunch of flowers and made a flower crown and it was gorgeous. Father would be proud.
We headed down towards Stormcloud and ran into a lovely Druid woman, Yukura. She accompanied us to Stormcloud and let me tell you – it was very very nice to be in the presence of another Druid. The travelers I’m with are alright, but they just don’t get it. There’s a certain ease when talking to someone of the Druidic arts. Yukura has a way about her that is comforting and vaguely nostalgic. She spoke with Ithilya and Nara and something very strange is up with my fox. I’ve suspected it for a while now, but it’s really starting to become apparent. But I don’t want to dwell on that now, not when there are far better things to write about.
So Stormcloud, right. Incredible. A large gathering of Druid folk, singing, dancing, worshiping, drinking… I’ve been to many Druid Circle Gatherings and this one lived up. It’s been so long, though, so the hype was exponential. I quickly shucked my traveling clothes in favor of my Circle attire. (Had to leave the boots on, though. Too fucking cold.)
The night quickly progressed into a festival of life and nature. I had far too much moonshine, but you know me and the moon….
Anyway. The combination of alcohol and festivities and proximity to truly wonderful people led me to some… unexpected activities. I was intimate with a human woman. My first experience of this sort, ever, in all my 120 years. It was…. fuck. I can barely remember it, if I’m being honest. But I recall enjoying it. The morning was awkward. But I’ll live.

We have two more nights until the full moon and I’m eagerly anticipating them. These people are wonderful and I’m lucky to have found them. I haven’t been this happy in a while.


These past few days have been… involved. While venturing further up the hideous frozen mountaintop of Verthicha Peak, we discovered what appeared to be a small cottage. Upon further inspection, we found an old Dwarf living inside. She seemed nice enough, but we were all somewhat suspicious. Upon EVEN FURTHER inspection, it turned out that our collective apprehension was not without reason. This BITCH turned out to be none other than the hag that took Arjhan’s arm. Why. Why. Why couldn’t she have just been a nice old lady. I hate everything.


We fought her, she ran away, it was uneventful. I got some poison and herbs from her creepy lair before lizard boy blasted the place. But she’ll be back, and I am NOT looking forward to that encounter. She’s so ugly. I don’t want to have to look at her again.

Speaking of ugly. Our prisoner – apparently his name was Jorrick? Irrelevant – is dead. Which is good, because like the hag, he was a damn eyesore. Why can’t we fight something pretty??

And SPEAKING of pretty things that are also evil – we made it to the peak of the mountain and discovered the source of the lights: crystals with humanoids inside. What?? Who thinks of this shit? Regardless, I was glad it was finally something aesthetically pleasing for once. Horrifying, but pretty. I also wish some of the crystal had been salvageable but sadly it was not. In addition to the humanoids – one of whom was Arj’s sister; that was a situation – the crystals were filled with this gross boily liquid. Ugh. I mean, suuuuper evil but like… also gross. So no hope of keeping any.

(About Arj’s sister. She was alive, thank gods, and we managed to stabilize her. Luckily I have training in medicine and healing. My pixie dust came in handy, too. She’ll be ok.)

After rescuing the trapped folk, we knelt down to pray. A half-elf we rescued told us it was a holy place. The Clouded Eye is really fucking important shit up. Deranged fuckers…. Anyway. The site must have been EXTREMELY holy, because all of us had visions of our gods (or founders/random people we’ve never met?? I don’t know what the hells was up with the old lady’s vision….) who praised us for our service and gave us information about our families. It was moving and extremely validating.

Best part of all this? Now that this light is down, we can get the FUCK off this mountain. I can’t wait to hug a tree that has actual LEAVES on it. And roll around in some flowers. Mmmmmmmmm

In over my head

We continued up the mountain and it soon started getting very cold. Deciding we needed to stay somewhere we began looking for shelter and a few of us (me included) spied a shelter up a head. We sent Eldon in to talk as he is the least threatening of us and he seemed to really hit it off with her. Her being the old dwarf lady who owned the cottage. When we all started talking to her we began realizing that things she was saying didn’t fit. She then transformed into her true identity of the night hag Morgan Bonemuncher taker of arms and maker of deals.
She began offering each of us deals and I certainly wasn’t going to take mine. Although at the time I did she she could have their baby if she wanted it something happened later which has forced me to rethink that. Anyways before that happened and even before she offered Eldon anything Arj (of course he did ) attacked her. It was a difficult fight made all the more so because my Halberd really wasn’t giving the satisfying smack it normally does. Elf told me later that I need to get some silver on it so that’’s the next goal in town for me.
We still managed to corner her through strategic placement though Arj continued acting odd by sitting down randomly in front of her at one point and asking me not to attack her. Maybe she hit him with a spell or something. The fight ended when Eldon knocked her to the ground and then Delwyn lay on her as a bear. She poofed out of the hut and we were left on our own with just the creepy things all over the walls.
That night I had a crazy dream. I was in Phog Tine and there was this little half elf girl running around asking me to play with her. When I caught up to her she turned into a night hag and then I woke up. I then found a vial of my Uncle’s blood on her shelf. Feels like I’ll be seeing old bonemuncher again at this point.
The next day we hiked to the top of the mountain and found 9 crystals in a circle. When we broke them people began spilling out one of who was Arj’s sister. We managed to save a few of the people and then joined an the old half elf who had been in the crystals to pray. I don’t even know what happened then. I had a vision and saw the Allfather and Hugin and Munin he praised me and lifted me up from where I knelt. Does that mean it was more then a vision? He told me I should go South and that the child was innocent though my Aunt and Uncle were not. All I know is we need to take care of the lights. If those people are in constant pain something needs to be done about it. Hopefully Odin can help point the way for me.


Kalith is alive. Bahamut is real. My family is safe. SOBS

Also that bitch Morgan will fucking die.

Del's Poetry #2

Life was
A bliss I didn’t know
I was experiencing.


But now – alas!
Darkness has overtaken me:




Someone save me
Before I forget
The warmth.

I'm surrounded by idiots who want to kill me
I think they need therapy

I finally found them—the sole adventurers stupid enough to want to investigate the lights! This does seem like a death-bound mission, but at this point, there is no other choice. It has gone to the point that I am willing to sacrifice my life to get one good night’s sleep. I hope the wizard chokes on a furball, that’s how much help he has been to me. Though I would be saddened—-that I would miss watching him choke on pieces of his own friends! Hahahaa. Maybe I should try sneaking furballs into his food if I ever get back from this mess.

Arj- He seems to have some deep trust issues. And I think he is overly racist against rogues and wizards. His relationship to his sister is strained, so I sense some familial issues there. I wonder what is up with him? Verdict: Desperately needs a girlfriend. And some sensitivity training. Maybe I should set him up with someone.

Del- Seems to be very charming. Too charming. I saw how heshe talked to that prisoner. HeShe seemed to largely ignore me. I think we are off to a good start. Seems overly fond of boots. Maybe went barefoot as a child? Verdict: Needs therapy.

Garrick- Also seems overly fond of boots. Oddly fond of ugly prisoner. Seemed vaguely nice. Will try to test this. He is much bigger than he was when he was four. He was kind of annoying when he visited last. I dislike children. Verdict: He is still a little squirt.

Eldon- He seems to have some convincing power over Arj, and has been largely on my side, in comparison to the rest of the group. I wonder what makes him less antagonistic? Don’t ask questions. Don’t ask questions. Verdict: Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.

Prisoner- Man he is ugly. No wonder he joined the clouded eye, they are probably the only people who would interact with him. I kind of want to poke him, but then I remember that no one trusts me. Verdict: Kind of makes me gag. Should I put a wig on him and set him up with Arj?

Woman Arj- At least it’s not genetic. She accepted my scarf!!! Definitely should have played more of a role in Arj’s upbringing. Are they really from the same parents?

Knitting update:
After having gotten rid of the scarf, I think I will start working on knitting some sweaters for the party. They may be useful for if the lights get too hot. Stupid lights. Stupid Stupid zombies. One of them hit me! And I killed the other one. No one made a comment on my extreme cleverness and bravery. I am sorely offended. I wonder if the wizard has ever killed a zombie?
Wizard: 0
Clara: 1


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